What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 22.06.2025 09:47
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
So, i spoilt her more .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Can you share some of your favorite jokes that are not well-known but always make people laugh?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was seconnd youngest,
But it wasn’t much.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She loved him until the end.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
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As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
If you could instantly cancel one social norm, what would it be?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She wouldn,t have been !
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I write beautiful poetry .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
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Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I was scared of men, in general
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
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My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
(And it was in our own minds.)
This is soul school!.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But, we were locked up after school.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I will be 64.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And i lived it daily.
My family never makes their pension either.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Comes on , in middle age.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was 9 years of age.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
It was going to be , some day.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She married twice! .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I couldn’t, believe it.
He resisted the act ,that day.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I was very sick at this time too.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Who then, do I blame.?
What did i know ?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Would this be the day?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
My life is so biszare .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I waited trembling.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Ive learnt so much.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I don,t even have a pension.
All the time i was locked up.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She was in good health!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
So whats the point in blame.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
We all went to grammer schools
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I said to her
He knew the spot.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I have no regrets .
Why did i forgive my father ?
One cannot live in the past .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
We were not on the streets..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Im still living with it.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Was to survive, this bastard.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Put me off passion for life!!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She found it foreign!.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I never cut or harmed myself..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I think the readers, may guess!
As i do to all so called friends.?
But ive been too sick for many years..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
When she asked me how she looked .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.